Our Weekend Together--Just What The Doctor Ordered

It was SO SO SO good to have Todd with us last weekend.  Life isn't as it should be when he's away.  The kids and I picked him up at the airport on Thursday afternoon and then headed out to Fuddrucker's for dinner.  Nolan loves "the grilled cheese restaurant" not only for the grilled cheese but for the arcade full of crazy games and even crazier prizes.  (For me, Fudd's is all about the hamburger buns--they are seriously the best!  Buttered and grilled?  Yes, please!)  Todd has super-hero grade hand-eye coordination and consistently wins prizes for the boys on the "claw" games.  Mommy is severely lacking in this area so I tell the boys that Mommy doesn't have any quarters...but Daddy does!

On Friday we ventured out to Knott's Berry Farm for the day.  Todd hadn't been there since he was a child, and I hadn't been there since 1999.  I actually broke my wrist that day at Knott's, but that's a story for another time.  Anyhow, the kids had never been to KBF and we thought it would be fun to take them where there are lots of trains and cowboys--little boy heaven, right?   Not so much.  It was super hot and there is very little shade and, as we learned, you have to hunt for ice cream.  Between the ungodly temperature and the fact that Todd and I quickly concluded that Knott's employees are slow, disgruntled, unhappy Disneyland rejects (the big D and KBF are about 5 miles apart) we lasted about four hours.  Poor Nolan was miserable having to wait for rides in the scorching sun.  Many a tantrum, many a tantrum.  He loved the water raft ride so the day was not a bust, but it wasn't a blast, either.  Soren's highlight was an orange balloon.  Figures.  We have no need to visit Knott's Berry Farm ever again, though.  We had planned to be at the park all day, but leaving at 3 o'clock fortuitously gave Todd and I the opportunity for date night.  El Torito and Our Idiot Brother were a good combination and end to the day.

On Saturday we met up with my birth mom, Vikki, and her husband Steve, Elaina and her boyfriend Don, and my new brother, Nick, for lunch.  It was a sweet time to be together.  Todd and the boys enjoyed meeting their new extended family...and I'm pretty sure they were a hit, too.

Sunday morning came around much too quickly and we dropped Todd off at the airport after extended hugs.  Gratefully, Hurricane Irene didn't affect his travel plans as she ravaged much of the East Coast that day.  We are hoping to all be together again next weekend, but with Todd's work schedule that may or may not happen.  Our fingers are crossed.

A full weekend of lots of public places crawling with germs has left my little Nolan one sick kid.  He's zonked out on the couch fighting a 104 degree fever and a nasty case of strep throat.  As much as I hate seeing him sick, I am thrilled that he can now tell me what's wrong and I no longer have to guess.  This afternoon he said "Mommy, my mouth hurts" so I had him open wide and was greeted with mouth sores like I've never seen before.  We were at the doctor an hour later diagnosed with strep (for the first time.)  Since he can not / will not take oral antibiotics he got a big ol' needle in the thigh full of "get you better medicine" so hopefully he'll be on the mend after a good night's sleep.

Todd's visit was a balm to my weary soul.  Nolan's illness is hopefully on its way out.  Both are just what the doctor ordered.

Keepin' It Real

There are some days that I want to sell my kids on the black market.  Lately there have been a lot of these days where I not only want to hang my "Mommy hat" up, but on someone else's hat rack a thousand miles away.  Finding the joy in mothering has been exceedingly difficult lately because we are so displaced.  Nothing is as it should be.  Being apart from Todd sucks.  Being at my parent's house sucks.  I know that this scenario is best for our family in the long run, but it still completely sucks.

Nolan has had so many interruptions to his normal, tightly-scheduled life that his behavior has taken a nosedive and he fights me all day long about everything.  Even things that should be fun, like yesterday's trip to the San Diego Safari Park, ended up producing tears...from all three of us.  Of course I love him fiercely, but I'm not liking him all that much right now.  And since Soren is in that stage where he copies everything--good and bad--he has contributed to my angst, too.

My children aren't the only ones who are "acting out" these days.  I am, too.  I have so little patience with them that I find myself yelling a lot.  And then when I yell I feel guilty...and guilt leads to a deepening depression about this whole season in our lives.  I know this season of displacement is short, but it feels so painfully long.  Minutes feel like hours and I find myself wishing for bedtime just to say goodbye to the day and be one day closer to being together again as a family.  In our new home carving out our new reality is where I want to be.

School started in San Ramon today and I so wish that Nolan were there.  He needs the structure of school so badly.  Even before we left San Ramon, once his summer school program ended his behavior started sliding.  It's just gone downhill at warp speed from there.  To think that he won't be back in a highly structured environment until October makes me want to throw up.  His new teachers and therapists are going to have a lot of work cut out for him as they try to reverse his regression.  I'm trying to slow it down if not stop it, but I'm failing.  How much farther can it slide?

Thankfully, Todd is flying out tomorrow for the weekend.  We need to be together so desperately.  The separation has been hard on him too, but at least he has the "distraction" of a new job to keep him busy.  Hopefully our weekend together will sustain us for the next few weeks until our new normal begins.

Becoming A Daughter Again

***  This is the second chapter of my journey toward meeting my biological family.  To get caught up, read from the beginning here.  ***


After meeting Elaina for the first time in March I was thrilled to have the opportunity to see her again in May and have the kids meet her, as well.  The boys and I drove down from the Bay Area to visit my parents for a quick spring getaway, so Elaina and I planned to meet at a park where we both played as kids.  It was wonderful to catch up with her, meet her sweet boyfriend Don, and see the boys giggle and play with their new aunt.  At that time I hadn't known that a move to Georgia was in my family's future, although we did have plans to come back down south in the summer for another visit with family and friends.  At the park that May morning Elaina and I talked about planning a time where I could meet her mother.  Summertime, as it turned out, was the perfect time for us all.

On Wednesday I drove to Elaina's house and was greeted with a tight hug from my dear sister.  Then I gazed into my birth mom's tear-filled eyes and shed a few tears myself.  Our first ever embrace was of pure joy and fulfilled the mystery of the last 39 years.

My very first impression of Vikki was that of warmth and tenderness.  She truly is a woman who puts family first.  I was given the gift of life because of  her selfless choice in placing me for adoption, and it is obvious that now--as it was then--being a wonderful mom and doing the right thing for her children is her top priority.  Elaina and I are both living proof!

Our conversation was simultaneously light and deep...and oh so natural.  We laughed and told stories as we added pieces to the puzzle of the last 39 years.  Four hours flew by as if they were mere minutes.  In direct opposition to the last time we were together, as we parted ways this time we both knew it wouldn't be the last.  I am so looking forward to meeting her husband of 37 years, and she is looking forward to meeting Todd and the kids...in a week.

I have a new, special family to add to the many branches of my family tree.  I am richly blessed.

Remember When Soren Didn't Talk?

I hardly do as the kid talks non-stop right now! 

It was the craziest thing.  He had his last "regular year" therapy session on June 9 and his next session ("summer school") wasn't until July 20.  In those few weeks between sessions it's as if someone turned on the word faucet and everything just came spilling out of his sweet little mouth.  His therapists were shocked by his progress when we saw them in July.  And since then he's been gabbing it up even more!  We hear two and three word utterances on a regular basis now and his comprehension of what other people are saying is much improved, as well!  Thank You, Jesus!

And did you know that Soren is the loudest kid in America?  Seriously, he is.  He has always been loud since the day he was born, but now that he has LOTS to say?!?!  Oh my gracious!  Complete strangers in Target (our home away from home) and at the park and just about wherever we go have commented on his volume.  Seriously, they do. 

Complimentary earplugs will be provided when you visit.

Of course, we are thrilled that he's now just about on track developmentally.  It's been difficult to endure for all of us, but we are so proud of him and the funny little chatterbox he's become.

Memories Of The Past

Staying with my parents for the better part of the last two weeks has afforded me lots of time to take long walks around the neighborhood.  As I clip past my elementary school I can almost hear the 5 minute warning bell that forced me to hustle to class before being marked tardy.  I've slowed down and sweetly sighed in front of homes I attended birthday parties and slumber parties in, wondering if my old friends parents still live behind those walls.  I have inadvertently picked up my pace in  front of the "haunted house" where, as junior highers, we were convinced that a murder had taken place at the hands of satanists.  I've walked past more than a handful of homes where I babysat (and raided the refrigerators once the children went to bed.)  In my mind's eye I glimpsed remnants of toilet paper waving amid tall trees that I once not-so-stealthily TP'ed.

It's strange being old where you were once young.

Earlier this week I went to the Rec Center (that is now the YMCA) and ran into my friend's mom.  She's known me since I was 10 and her daughter and I are still close.  After my Y encounter, I drove over to my old church where my friends and I would try to hide from our Sunday School teachers...and registered my own child for Vacation Bible School.  Full circle, friends.  Full circle, indeed.

In my hometown the streets look the same but the trees are much taller.  It's definitely not home anymore, yet it was a wonderful home to have.

Fun In The Sun

Last week we made sure that we carved out some quality family time, knowing that we wouldn't get much of it once Todd left for Georgia.  We spent a few glorious days out in the Palm Desert sun with our dear friends, the Grove's.  I've known Harry and Shannon since I moved to San Diego, right before they got married in 1997, and I think Todd met them around that time as well.  Simply put, they are quality people and friends for life.  We love them deeply and know that miles may separate us physically but physical distance has nothing to do with how connected you are.  

I love that Shannon and I can pick up conversation at the drop of a hat even though we may not have had the chance to talk in person in months (email--I adore you!)  Our husbands are baffled by our "mad convo skillz" and Todd and Harry still talk about a drive that the four of us took from San Diego to Vegas pre-little people.  It stumps them that Shannon and I gabbed non-stop for 6 hours straight, with no lulls.  It's just that easy!  And although Todd is definitely a "people person" he freely admits that he doesn't have close friends that he trusts and sees eye to eye with like he does with Harry.  Their humor, their taste in music, their commitment to family...one and the same.  Harry + Todd = entertainment at its finest.

We had kids at around the same time and our four little boys love hanging out together, too.  Nolan and Zeke are a few months apart and are wrestling buddies.  Tre is five and a half and a great "big brother" and role model for Soren.  Oh how I wish they could all grow up together.  As much as these little guys eat now, I can only imagine that absolutely everything will have to be bought in bulk at Costco when they're teenagers.  Oy vey.

So, we made a hefty deposit in the memory bank this week.  We are so blessed that these memories were made with our dearest of friends.

Sweet treats for sweet boys!

SPLASH!!!

Todd and Harry have made a game out of trying to land (and stay on) our seal, Clyde.  The fact that they are rarely successful elicits howling laughter from an ever growing poolside audience.  Our boys have FUN daddies! 

Buddies!

Desert sunsets are amazing!

It's Coming Along!

Our house is currently under construction and is moving along nicely.  We can't wait til it's done at the end of September and we can move in and truly make it ours.  Todd flew out to Atlanta yesterday to start his new job tomorrow and he plans to go out and take pictures frequently.  It will be fun to see how the house progresses in pictures, since I'm not able to be there in person.  Here's a chronicle of the building process so far!

July 10--looking at our lot on the day we bought it.

Standing at the the edge of where the house will be, looking into the backyard.

On our lot, looking down the street.

Late July--the frame is up!

This picture shows the distance between our home and the neighbor's home...about 55 feet!

One of my favorite features in the house...the curved wall of windows in the great room.  The play room is directly above the great room and will have the same wall of curved windows with a view of the forest.  LOVE it!

Early August...the bricks are ready to be added!