Over the course of the last week I have been slowly slipping through a downward spiral. It took me a couple of days to figure out why this was happening and where it stemmed from. Now I know...and I'm even more depressed than I was not knowing.
My baby is turning one in two days. It's a huge milestone for him and a wakeup call for me. I will never carry another baby in my womb...unless my tubes aren't tied tightly enough. I will never have another sweet little love suckling at my breast or sleeping peacefully, swaddled tightly in my arms. I will never witness another first smile or hear a first word. My days of being a mommy to an infant are history. Soren is growing up and although I find his growth and development wonderfully exciting, I am mourning the end of his infancy knowing that I'll never get to experience the wonder and innocence of infancy again.
I am so deeply in love with this child and where he's at right now that I want to freeze time and keep him on the cusp of toddlerhood indefinitely. This age is so magical and I want it to last as long as it can. I don't remember feeling this way when Nolan turned one, and I'm sure that it has to do with the fact that I knew Nolan would not be my last child. But Soren is my last child, unless God intervenes in a completely unexpected and miraculous way, and I'm feeling a huge sense of loss.
I could very well be completely over-reacting and many people may rightfully call me ridiculous, but nonetheless this sadness is my reality. My heart hurts. I look forward to what lies ahead with both my children, but for a gal who has always had a difficult time living in the moment instead of "what if-ing" and planning out her future...this moment feels really good and I'd like it to remain.
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
Saturday, July 17, 2010
Tahoe Time!
We had a wonderful getaway to Lake Tahoe. Tahoe is truly one of my very favorite places on earth and I love spending time there...especially with my family! We did lots of this:
And we had tons of fun out in this:
Seriously, could he be any happier?
Then Nolan and I got a little crazy doing this:
Beauty = This:
We can't wait to go back!
Friday, July 9, 2010
The 4th (on the 9th)
We had a relatively mellow 4th of July. I guess when you have little ones who need to go to sleep early the 4th can't be all that crazy. No hootin' and hollerin' with the neighbors. No setting off piccolo petes. We started the day at the Danville parade with our friends the Pearson's. It was a sweet little hometown parade and the boys did well. I was super nervous about taking them to a parade...thinking Nolan's attention span would last for about 14 seconds before he'd be running in the street trying to jump on a passing float and Soren would be a fidgety little wiggle worm in his stroller. But they surprised me! Pleasantly! After the parade we came home and napped, swam and barbecued. I was a party pooper and in bed with the lights out at 9:20...10 minutes before the fireworks show at our (San Ramon) Central Park started. And no, I'm not complaining. There will be plenty more 4th of July celebrations to come.
The helicopter was Nolan's absolute favorite! He was speechless when he saw it coming down the street!
The helicopter was Nolan's absolute favorite! He was speechless when he saw it coming down the street!
Random
Oh my! Julie over at Joy's Hope referenced me in her post today. Because I called her random! She totally is and I LOVE it...but I am a wee bit embarassed. Eeks!
Speaking of random...I was just perusing my 2010 Reading List over on the sidebar and I realized that none of the books I have read this year are remotely alike. I have eclectic taste in what I read, however I can assure you that I will NOT be adding Twilight or any other vampire-ish tomes to my list. It is a bit ironic, however, that I have two Anne Rice novels on my bedside table at the moment.
You know Anne Rice. She's the gal that first started the vampire craze way back when with her Interview With A Vampire and such. But get this! She once was agnostic or atheist--I'm not sure which--but has recently returned to the Catholic faith she was raised with. And she has written two volumes of historical fiction based on Jesus' life: Christ The Lord, Out Of Egypt and Christ The Lord, The Road To Cana. I'm excited to dive into them, but first I need to finish The Virgin's Lover by Philippa Gregory (oh how I love a good Tudor family intrigue!) and The Girl With The Dragon Tatoo by Steig Larsson for book club.
We're headed out on vacation this weekend and I am looking forward to reading poolside. I read pretty fast so I should sail through my current reads and would love your recommendations for further reading. What's on your bedside table or in your beach bag this summer?
Speaking of random...I was just perusing my 2010 Reading List over on the sidebar and I realized that none of the books I have read this year are remotely alike. I have eclectic taste in what I read, however I can assure you that I will NOT be adding Twilight or any other vampire-ish tomes to my list. It is a bit ironic, however, that I have two Anne Rice novels on my bedside table at the moment.
You know Anne Rice. She's the gal that first started the vampire craze way back when with her Interview With A Vampire and such. But get this! She once was agnostic or atheist--I'm not sure which--but has recently returned to the Catholic faith she was raised with. And she has written two volumes of historical fiction based on Jesus' life: Christ The Lord, Out Of Egypt and Christ The Lord, The Road To Cana. I'm excited to dive into them, but first I need to finish The Virgin's Lover by Philippa Gregory (oh how I love a good Tudor family intrigue!) and The Girl With The Dragon Tatoo by Steig Larsson for book club.
We're headed out on vacation this weekend and I am looking forward to reading poolside. I read pretty fast so I should sail through my current reads and would love your recommendations for further reading. What's on your bedside table or in your beach bag this summer?
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