Renewing My Relationship With Jesus

I've been a Christian my entire life.  I was raised in a Christian home where we attended church services and church activities weekly.  I don't remember ever missing church unless we were really sick or on vacation.  I knew about Jesus from a very early age and made the decision to accept Him into my heart at eight years old.  I chose to be baptized shortly thereafter and have made an effort to live for him since then.  Yet I currently find myself in a spiritual wilderness like I have never before experienced.  It's been a slow moving away on my part, as I wholeheartedly believe that God is steadfast and never moves.

Looking back, my drifting began shortly after I became a mother.  When Nolan was first born I was on my kness hourly pleading with God for direction for this new phase in my life.  He faithfully drew near when I needed Him and helped me along the path of new motherhood.  As Nolan got older and I gained more confidence in my parenting I didn't "need" God as much...but Nolan needed me.  The little "me time" I had was precious and I ended up making my time about me alone, not me and God.  In the last year or so with two kids in tow my "me time" has become even more scarce and even more coveted.  A nap or time in the Word?  Sleep wins almost every time.  I am humbled and embarrassed to admit that God has gotten the shaft.

Although I love my children and my family life and am enjoying this stage in my life, my spirit has been so restless and lacking in true joy.  As much as I give give give of my time and energy, I've wanted to get get get some sort of "compensation" for my role as wife and mom.  I find that I have become self-indulgent and self-focused more than I should.  Don't get me wrong, there is absolutely nothing wrong with taking care of yourself, but when God gets cut out because it's all about you then YOU are the one with the problem (and not the answer.)

Only God can truly fill me up.  Only God brings real joy.  Only God gives purpose and perspective.  By shoving Him aside in my moment-by-moment life I have robbed myself of fullness, joy, purpose and perspective.  This morning I dusted off my Bible and sat in quiet and listened for God.  I haven't heard Him a whole lot lately because I haven't taken the time to listen.  I read and prayed and read some more and prayed some more.  Today, for the first time in a good while, I am excited for my relationship with Jesus and I have renewed joy.  It feels good and I am so looking forward to this next phase of the journey with Jesus at the wheel.