Here We Go Again

This precious little boy melts my heart. 

Sweetness and light just ooze from him and I can't help but kiss his velvety cherub cheeks every time he's near.  I swear that I've given each of my boys (Todd included) a million kisses but Todd says that's mathematically impossible.  He may be correct, but I swear that I'll die trying.

We have had so much fun watching Soren grow into a little person.  His personality just makes me smile from ear to ear.  As he's developed over the last fifteen months we have noticed some areas where he's lagging behind and have kept our eyes peeled for further significant lapses.  After the tally in my head grew to more than I could remember at once I started writing things down.  Last week when I took Soren for his 15 month well baby check I came prepared with a list of concerns.  I wish that I was simply a "hyper-sensitive mom" due to Nolan's issues, but my pediatrician agreed with Todd and I that Soren should be evaluated.  So we are off to Stanford for developmental assessment.  The wait is longer than we'd hoped, but we are getting all our ducks in a row to have Soren assessed in January.

The range of "normal" varies quite a bit and it is rather difficult to discern whether or not a child is developmentally delayed or just not interested in doing a certain task.  Nearly all 15 month olds wave, clap, point, say at least two words that have meaning and can follow simple instructions.  Despite the fact that we wave goodbye to Nolan every sinlge morning as he gets on the school bus, Soren does not wave on his own.  He doesn't clap when he's excited, or even when he's not.  He doesn't point when we look at pictures in a book or when I ask "Where's the ball?"  He doesn't recognize any body parts (his or mine) or animals although we talk about them and play with them every day.  Exposure is there but recognition is not.  Soren also has no words that are appropriate.  He babbles continually but the only word he's used in a correct context is "uh-oh," and that's only on occassion.  Every blue moon I'll hear "mama" but it's not in reference to me.  Clearly, something's not clicking in his little brain when it comes to both receptive and expressive language.

His coordination seems to be relatively on par.  He's not walking independently yet, but he gets closer and closer to walking alone every day.  He does a great job feeding himself and is learning to use a spoon (although from the above picture you can see that he's terribly messy, but what toddler isn't?) yet he prefers his fingers simply for the fact that it's faster and more efficient that way.  He climbs up and down stairs with ease and can get down from the couch (but not up, as it's too high.)

Of course the autism alarms have gone off in my head.  After all, Soren has a much higher chance of autism because of his older brother.  Just as Nolan did as a toddler, Soren has a relatively long attention span for a 15 month old.  He will play with one toy repetitively (ie: taking off and putting on Woody's hat) until I take it away or divert his attention elsewhere.  He also tends to fixate on spinning objects.  These characteristics in and of themselves do not make a person autistic, but when they are coupled with the fact that there are developmental delays the chance of autism is certainly present...and certainly higher.

If there's one thing I've learned about autism that stands out above and beyond everything else it's this:  No two autistic people are aike.  They are as varied in their manifestations as there are stars in the sky.  Before Nolan my exposure to autism was very limited--Rain Man, my dear firend Dawn's son Marshall, a little girl named Brittany who was in my class for no more than a week before she was pulled out because our private school didn't have the resources to meet her needs.  Now I see autism everywhere I turn.  Among the ten other students in Nolan's class, in the news, in books, in movies.  It is so important to note that autism is a spectrum disorder and symptoms in one person may not be present in the next.  And, for me, because it is a spectrum disorder it makes it so much more difficult to discern "is this autistic?" or "is this just his personality?"  For now I will err on the side of caution yet hope for the best.

So here we go again.  Chapter two of this "Development Book" is opening with a new starring character.  I wonder what God has in store for our precious little star.